Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Who am I

I sit alone thinking about life. I look back and thought about how I always encourage faith, hope and love in everyone. I remember a hungry homeless man asking me for a dollar for a something to eat cause he was hungry. As always I interview the intention of those whether he needed it for alcohol or drugs. I am not a rich man but I learned from my mother to live a life of Christ so my heart has more treasures than all the Pharaohs tombs of Egypt combine. The homeless man assured me he was hungry. I only had 20 dollars at that time cause I was struggling. But I realized how better off I was than he. I took that man to the Boston Market chicken place on queens blvd in Sunnyside and told him to order anything and everything that he can possible eat to fill himself up... He looked at me as if he was having lunch with Jesus and thankful for the human spirit. I looked at him as if he was Jesus knocking on the three doors when no one answered. I had faith that god was watching me knowing my heart. I had faith that this man would not lose hope in himself or others. If I had a million dollars I would teach people how to believe in the impossible, if I had 2 million dollars I would rescue my angel to live a godlike life thankful everyday for the angels that watch over me... I had lived a life believing in others when they could not see it for themselves. I lived a life that was a lie, doing the opposite of others, walking my own path, pouring my heart into others only to be drained of my last essence. What is there left to believe in when there is no love? why do I love unconditionally when others love back only with conditions? Why do I put myself through this torture? What is that I believe in so much that others do not? Why do those take my gift of love in vain not feeling my soul but only feeling my flesh? I am not meant to live in this world. I am from another planet or dimension. I do not belong here. My angel, I had always been preparing the way for you. I accept you, I believe in you, I love you. No one should have my heart. No one should have that emotion I once identified as love. Love is just a different degree of hate, one of the same thing. So when I thought I loved myself I guess I was truly hating myself. I was hating myslef, I was hating myself for feeling this emotion of love in which I can not control. My heart is just a hollow muscle that now pumps cold blood through my veins and nothing more, so I will no longer listen to it, I will no longer follow it, I will no longer believe in it... I am here in this world just for the experience to take back to the collective. When the universe contracts back to a singularity I guess I will be revealed the truth. So I live now cursed like a vampire roaming the land alone with his love. I live now like an fallen angel of god cast out of the garden. I am that I am, I am Satan.


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